Hey everyone! It's wed. night and I am sitting here watching Trading Spouses. It is very interesting to me. I really hope someone out there is watching cause I don't know if I can explain very well. Lately I have been thinking very much about my religion and my beliefs. I do consider myself to be Christian, but I'm not sure if I know enough about other religions to decide what I really am. I'm watching this show, and the woman claims to be Christian, as well as her friends and family, but the way her friends treated the woman who was living in her home seemed to be very rude to her and had no respect for her views or religion. Then there was a psychic on the show and she treat him like he was the devil. I guess that Christians aren't suppose to believe in psychics, but does that mean you should be rude to them or treat them as if they were pure evil? Hmmm... I thought that people of God loved everyone???

Okay, maybe someone can help me to decide what religion I am or should be. I believe that there is a God. I believe that all people are equal. I believe that people should not judge others. (I know it is hard sometimes) I just want to be a good person, to everyone. I don't want to judge others, I don't want to look down on others. I don't go around thinking I'm better than others. I've just started reading the Bible, very interesting. I'm trying not to do bad things. I do not go to church right, I want to start though. I'm think I'm kinda scared, of being like a "new comer." That makes me nervous, especially after seeing trading spouses! Those women really seemed to judge her right away, I don't want that! I am one confused girl! Can anyone help?

As for the rest of my day. My doctors office called and said they had to cancel my appointment, cause they couldn't take my insurance anymore, or something was wrong with it. I don't know. I was pissed. The lady promised she would call me before the office closed, and she didn't! Such BS! I got a message from Matt, he needs some stamps, paper, and pens. So I guess I'll be going shopping tomorrow. Oh, and I'm trying to learn some new recipes, so if you have any good ones, and want to share, I would love to try them. I think I'm a pretty good cook, but I don't have much variety. I tend to always make the same things.

I haven't talked to my dad in a while. He's been busying working I guess. His girlfriends phone is disconnected, so I have no way to get a hold of him. I really miss him, he is such a great dad! I love him so much! I talked to my little brother yesterday! He is 9. Same dad different moms. I miss him too, I haven't seen him in almost 2 years. I keep in touch with him and his mother Cathy. My dad left my mom for her. (maybe my next blog) I haven't talked to my sister in about 5 days. I miss her soooo much, we were so close before I moved out here. Now I feel like she is just a lost soul. She hasn't been the same ever since my mom died. They were very close. I haven't seen my sister or my nephews in a little over a year! I miss everyone so much!

Now, I'm watching the news. I feel so bad for kids who have really messed up parents. I wish there was something I could do to help! I've been thinking about going to back to school. I want to do something that will make a difference. I want to help kids in some way. What should I do??? Man, I really need to get it together!

Well, I can finally continue with my normal blogging...no more drama, for now anyway! Yesterday was Halloween, I took Matthew trick or treating, he was batman! I will post some pics in a few days. I also took the 10 year old and one of his friends. We had a lot of fun. We were out for about 3 hours. While we were out, I found this little boy (about 7 or 8) trick or treating all alone! I couldn't believe that his parents would let him go out alone! It was sad, so I told him that he could come along with us. he did. At the end of the night, I asked him were he lived, and he didn't know! turns out he had just moved to this neighborhood a few days earlier. Well, I let him use my cell phone to call his mother. Who by the way didn't know where they lived either!!! What the heck...? While talking on the phone with the mother, it really suprised me that she wasn't one bit concerned who the heck her kid was walking around with. Well, it took us a while to find his house, but we did. When we got there she didn't even bother to come out and see what was going on or meet me. I don't get it, but oh well I guess...maybe it's just me!?!?

Anyways, I think that's about it for tonight, nothing too exciting!

Love, Ashley

I am too tired to write a whole blog tonight. I am up watching Grey's Anatomy right now. I LOVE THIS SHOW!!! It is great. Best show that I've seen in a LONG time!!! Anyways, I must encourage anyone who is anything like me to watch this show! I'll write more tomorrow!

Love, Ashley

Ok, I'm back! I just got a comment that I just have to say something about. I am so pissed off. I am so not a selfish person who only thinks about myself, and It disturbed me to have someone write such a rude thing, hey don't get me wrong...I never said I wasn't rude!!! I sure did have something to write back, and I guess I can't blame him...He is from the bay area! And San Fran at that, so I can see that he more than likely has something stuck up his ass!!! Hee hee!
(no offense to anyone, Im not a homophobic)

I, I, I, will write more tomorrow!

Love, Ashley Ashley Ashley LOL!

Ok, today I have to start by saying thank you, to everyone who has left me comments! They are really nice and I appreciate them all!

Last night, when I was getting ready to ge to bad, I was putting my hair up and I felt this strange lump behind my left ear. It's not on my ear, it's on my head, but behind my ear. (everyone I talked to on the phone was confused!) I have no idea what it is. I've had everyone that I've seen today look at it and check it out. No one knows what it is! I have a doctors appointment on Friday. But if you know what it could be, PLEASE let me know!!! I am so scared! I hope it's nothing bad. I am such a hypochondriac! right away I start thinking, it's cancer, and I'm going to die! PLEASE GOD DON'T LET IT BE CANCER!!! I have been praying. I can't even imagine what would happen to my poor baby if something happened to me. He would be soooo tramatized. It would kill me to leave him. I would never be able to go peacefully not knowing that my son would be taken care of. I'm really the only thing he has, atleast the only thing he knows. We can't even spend one night apart now. He went with my cousin Jack tonight, over to their house, and they said, as soon as he got there he told them I want to go home, I want my Mommy! I'm crying right now, just imagining every morning when he wakes up...how would he react to me not being there??? me not making his breakfast, and putting on his toonies, and getting him his juicy!!! It kills me to think of all of the things I would miss in his life, and that he's too young to even remember me! Who would be there to tell him about his mommy, and how much she loves him, and how the only thing that matters to me if my life is taking care of him, and being there to see him grow up, to graduate, go off to college, get married, have babies and a family of his own. I want to be there! I will feel so cheated, If I can't be a part of all that! No matter what...I have to live!!! I don't know what else to write at the moment. I am going to bed, to say my prayers...PLEASE GOD LET ME BE OKAY!!!

Love, Ashley