Hey everyone! I don't have much to write tonight. I just thought I'd share this short story. I told it to the 10 year old tonight, and we laughed. I've been missing my mom a lot lately, and she use to always tell me this story for as long as I can remember. I think I was about 2 or 3 when this happened.

Okay, let see. My mom, my dad, my sister and I were taking a trip to the beach. On the way there we stopped at a small store. My mom went inside. I stayed outside with my dad. He let me sit on his lap and pretend I was driving. So this lady walks up and says, "awww what a cute little girl!" I turn to her and say, "hey fuck you!" My dad was so embarrassed! He couldn't believe I said that! I can't help but laugh every time I hear that story. LOL

Good night everyone!

Love, Ashley

Hey everyone, it's been a couple of days since I've wrote so I guess I should tell you what happened!

Okay, a couple of hours after over hearing Ryan talkng shit I was in my room, laying on the bed with my arm covering my eyes. I was stressed out and thinking. I had decided not to say anything.

Then Colleen walked in and asked me what was wrong.

I said "nothing" but she just kept asking me questions. She asked me if I wanted to go back "home" to California. I said, "no"

So then she asked me, "so what are you going to do?"

"about what?"

she said, "well are you going to get a job?"

That's when I exploded...well...kinda. I said, "I know you guys don't want me here, I know you guys don't like me, and I know you guys talk shit about me!"

She said, "I never talk shit about you, and Ryan just thinks you need to get a job!"

I said, " Well, I think Ryan doesn't need to worry about me and what I need to do." "I know what I need to do." She said a couple of other things that pissed me off, but it's a blur. I just couldn't stop myself. I told her about him talking shit about her! At first I thought she wasn't going to believe me, I swore on my mothers grave, and on my life, and everything I love, and I know she believed me then! I was being very serious, I was so mad, I was shaking just telling the story. I went on to say, that he's 31 he's been clean for a year, and has no right to look down on me. I'm 22, I take care of my son, I don't have a drug problem, I don't have an alcohol problem and I'm sure I'll have my shit together before I'm 31! I said, What were you guys doing when you were 22! I think maybe that made her realize something. She didn't say much, then she left!

Well, I don't think she told ryan anything. She called me from work today, to ask if I could cook dinner because she had class. I told her that I didn't feel like cooking for Ryan, because last night he went out and bought dinner for everyone...except me! She kinda tried to stick up for him a little saying...he didn't get you anything cause you never eat dinner. Little did she know the 10 year old told me the real story! (he just didn't want to buy anything for me) So, anyways she kinda laughed it off, and told me, well you do what you have to do. I'm just trying to wait till after the holidays. (whatever that means)

So things are pretty much the same here. I think I'm going to be moving soon! My cousin found a place today! I wish I were moving out of Las Vegas though...but hey this will do for now! I don't know if this story will make sense to anyone! (like anyone is following this close huh) LOL

I will write more tomorrow.

Oh, does anyone know anyone who has matching tattoos??? My cousin Jessica and I had matching tattoos and she died. same thing with a friend of mine, and also another set of people who a friend of mine knows. just thought it was weird. Who knows...just another of my crazy thoughts!

Good night! Love, Ashley

Good morning! I know it's early for me. It's not even 11:00 and I've been up for hours. I need some help a.s.a.p.! Okay, here's what happened.

Well, as you know things have been very tense here. I told you that Ryan (the boyfriend) was talking shit about me. Well, this morning I was sitting in my room folding some laundry, while Ryan was talking on the phone to his sister. Colleen went down to Dotty's (a casino) I was kinda listening to what he was saying, and I could tell that he was talking about me! (yes, I know I'm kinda nosey!) I hear him say, "it's a long story, hold on" then he went out into the backyard. So, I went into the garage, which is really close to the backyard. There is a door that connects the two. I put my ear up to the door. (okay, okay, so Im really nosey!) I hear him start talking all this shit... She so lazy, she doesn't do shit, she only cleans the house 3 times a week, blah blah blah. Then he starts talking about how he told Colleen that she needs to tell us to leave, By the end of this november, or something...(it was kinda hard to hear everything) He was saying that he doesn't care what happens to us and that it's really not a big deal and that she needs to just do it, or he is going to leave, cause he can't take it anymore! Then he starts to go on about her! That he'll just leave her and go out a find someone better and all this type of shit. He was saying something about marrying her, and having his name on the house or something, that part was really unclear! He was saying that he would just tell her, "well, I came back home and tried to work it out but, whatever"

You see I have always thought from the beginning that he was using her! Matt thinks the same thing too, as well as her other son! She co-signed for his school loan. She buys him cloths and stuff all the time. She just pays for a lot of his shit!

OKay, let me go back. Collen was shot a long time ago. Like almost 20 years ago. She was shot like 8 times I believe. One of which was in the face! So she has this big huge scar on her face, and she has a fake eye. So she has some real bad self-esteem problems. OH but, no that's not it. The person who shot her, was hired by his mother!!! YES. by her boyfriends mother!!!( his mother is no longer alive, died in a car accident) They are also 18 years apart! She is 49 he is 31. No one in his family likes her, they all talk shit about him being with her! Oh, and to top things off, he has a 3 year old son, they have been together for 5 years. YES, he had a baby with another woman while they were together!?!? NEED I SAY MORE??? and I'm the bad guy here! LOL, what a freakin joke!

Oh, and please keep in mind that not once has she ever asked us to leave or anything even close. He hasn't either. HE hasn't really even been that rude to me, the only way I caught on was from his own son. They have never sat down and talked to me about anything, getting a job, cleaning the house, not liking me, moving out, NOTHING! I don't understand! When I heard him talking about me, I had to bite my tongue so hard, my heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to a have a heart attack. I really want to say something. I feel like just saying to him, "you know what, you are such a fake, two faced, shit talking, coward." "if you have something to say to me than say it!" Now, if Colleen does tell me to move out, I will move out no problem, but I will at that time say to her, "don't expect to have ANY type of relationship with myself or Matthew EVER! And if she does tell us we have to leave, I am 100% sure that Matt (her son) will agree with me, and that he will not what to have a relationship with her either!

I am going to post a blog in a little while of what I will say, if you think I should say something! MAybe I should write her a letter???
What do YOU think??? PLEASE HELP!!!

Love, Ashley

I just posted some new pictures! I will blog more later tonight, or tomorrow!!!

Love, Ashley

Hey everyone! I am really trying to stay positive and be nice. BUT tonight when I came home from a walk to the store (at night in the freezing cold, which no one offered to give me a ride) The 10 year old comes into to room to watch tv and hang out, like he does everynight, he tells me that his dad was talking shit about me while I was gone. Of course I asked what he said. He said he called me a garbage truck! HUH? I don't get it!?!? HE said, my dad asked Colleen, "what did the garbage truck do today" and she said, "oh she cleaned up a little bit" What the f*ck??? yes, I said it! I just don't get it. First of all I don't get the comment! Does anyone understand what that means? Second, I don't get why he is always so nice to my face, and then talks shit about all the time! Should I confront him? It pisses me off!!!

OKay, let me tell you...for about a week straight I clean ed the house every single day, SPOTLESS!! I mean clean mopped, swept, dusted, scrubbed, everything you could think of! ( keep in mind NONE of this mess is mine, I always clean up after myself and Matthew) Well, anyways by the end of the week they were taking full advantage, being straight pigs, leaving dirty socks, pants, shoes, cigerette butts all over the floor and table, sink full of dishes, mail everywhere, jackets on the floor...everything you can think of! Expecting I would clean it up. So I just stopped cleaning. My room is spotless, and I continued to clean up after myself. But I just feel this is not right. I have been planning on moving in a couple of months, and when I do I am going to start a small daycare for a while. So now they are expecting me to go out a get a job, I told her that I want to take care of my health issues first, make sure I'm okay, find out why I always feel sick etc. and I don't have a car right now, and I don't have child care right now. What do they expect me to do?

This is where my problem with judgement comes in. They look down on me. We have different priorities. For her, #1 is her boyfriend, and having money, or spending money on him. For me, #1 is taking care of Matthew. For Halloween she said she was going to buy both the kids their costumes. Then when we were in line at the store payinf for the costumes, She made as BIG deal that Matthew costume cost $25 dollars! (so embarrassing!!!) she said, "ryan is going to be mad that I spent that much money on him!!! HUH? You can't spend $25 on your only grandson???(she has a good job, and makes good money)The number one reason I want to do a childcare job, is so I can still be home with Matthew. They think they are better than me because they have jobs. I disagree. Money is not as important to me as my son! I take care of him! ME alone! They both have kids who they do not take care of! I talked to one of her sons today, and started telling him about how she treats Matthew, and how they talk shit about me. He laughed and said, "my mom was such a drug addict, junkie who didn't give a shit about her kids, and she still doesn't" Right now I feel like my job, is to raise my son! Maybe if she would have done a better job raising her own son, Matthew would have his father here with him, maybe his dad wouldn't be in prison, if he had a loving parent who cared and gave him some guidance in life!?!? I am not blaming her for Matt being in prison, I know he made his own bed, I'm just saying maybe things would have been different if someone loved him enough to teach him right from wrong. HE learned the hard way, he had to provide for himself his whole life. He started using drugs at 13! I can't even imagine. Anyways, I'm just going on and on.

Love, Ashley