Hey! This is my very first blog. Wow huh. well, I guess i should start by introducing myself. My name is Ashley, im 22 and I currently live in Las Vegas.
If you've never been to Las Vegas you're probably thinking, why is she sitting home on a Friday night, when she live in Vegas. well let me tell you it's not everything it's made out to be. Especially if you have a life anything similar to mine. I have a 2 year old son. I am sitting home taking care of him right now, as his father is in California, sitting in San Quentin State prison. I know what you must be thinking... lucky girl.? yeah I know, I know...not everyone can be so lucky.
I moved here to Vegas a little over a year ago from California ( the bay area) and like most people who move away from where ever it is they call home, they soon find out it sucks. i have no friends here and I have no family here. I dont know what to do with myself. Im starting to feel like im going crazy! I have all these problems and Im finding it hard to even write about them. what's wrong with me? I often feel like im going to just die. I use to be this happy girl who had so many friends and so many things going for her, and now I dont even have a job. I just cant seem to get it together!
I sometimes start to think that I've had a really tough life and that i've been through so many terrible things that's it finally screwed me up, but then I think...maybe Im just feeling sorry for myself and maybe things havent been that bad, and that there are probably many more people in this world who have a much worse life than me, and aren't so fucked up.
How did I become this way? How did I become this person who writes these very words? lets see here...
hmmm...
Okay at age 9 dad has an affair...leaves mom after 20 years of marriage. mom cant take care of me anymore, but decides to keep older sister. Im forced to live with dad and his mistress. who becomes pregnant and has a child. after years of fighting and arguing, and being homeless on and off. whats next?
at age 14 my grandma dies. my only safe person who, i know would be there no matter what. Im growing up only to realize mom has a drinking problem now, dad has a drug problem (meth) and older sister has both.
18th birthday, my friend get shot in the face at my party. He lived (thank god) The next day my best friend who is also my cousin, decides to drive to vegas with some friends to visit here mom. they into a car accident and she dies. two months before her 16th birthday.
age 19 I have a baby. 6 months later my mom dies.
age 20 I move to las vegas, the day after I get here my aunt, who helped take care of me over the years dies.
I am now 22 years old...just turned 22 on the 26th. and I am struggling to find meaning in this life that I live. Maybe all that isnt as bad as I sometimes make it out to be, and then again maybe it is. I just dont know. Dont get me wrong, I do appreciate my life, and every single day that god allows me to grace this earth with my presence. I do have a woderful son, but am I crazy???
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