life changes, but Im always Ashley by ashley

To anyone who's about to read this,let me tell you who Colleen is. She is the mother of the jail- bound baby's daddy in my earlier blogs. My son Matthew and I live with her. She asked us to move out here, her son Matt lived here too until he went to jail...okay enough...I think you get it.

Dear Colleen,
I'd like to start this letter by saying that I appreciate you letting us live here with you. I really do. I know that I have a lot of problems that are hard for you to understand, because you don't know me very well. I've been with your son for almost five years now, and I've lived here with you for about a year, and we do not even know one another. That's sad to me.
Ever since Ryan came back ( he is her boyfriend who did not live here when we moved to Vegas) I feel the tension and I feel us not being wanted here. I often don't know who it's coming from...you or him. Or am I just paranoid?
Anyways...I don't know how to put this... I hate the way you treat my son...your grandson. I bite my tongue all the time. I feel that it is not your place to hit my son. I do not like it and it needs to stop! It really pisses me off. I feel that you live by a double standard. You do not hit your stepson when he is bad...so why do you feel that it is okay to hit my baby? I know he can be a brat, but he is 2 years old, and he is your GRANDSON! your only one at that! You throw away his toys, you say he doesn't need anything when I want to buy him something, You never buy him ANYTHING, but everyone else seems to be getting new shit all the time. you yell and threatin him constantly...it seems like the only thing I ever hear you say to him is, " I'm gonna beat your ass", or " do you want me to spank you?" and to be I honest I hate it! It makes me so mad that I feel like, when we move from here, I don't ever want to talk to you ever again! I feel that Matthew doesn't need a grandma, if that's what he's going to get. I've never in my life seen a grandparent treat a grandkid this way, it's just wrong.
I feel that you put Ryan on a god-like pedistool. I feel that you put him before anything else in your life, you do have kids, even if they are grown, they have never been raised and they still need you. They need your guidance and support and they aren't getting it. I feel that you are afraid to be there for them, beacuse of what Ryan will think, or say. Maybe I just don't understand. I just can't imagine ever acting like that over a man. My children will always come first, whether they are 2 or 42 it doesn't matter to me. It just seems pathetic. it's like now my life is starting to revolve aroud what Ryan wants. You want me to do certain things because you dont want ryan to get mad, or don't say this in front of ryan. Im sure you think that it's not my place to be saying all this, but Im just saying some of the things that Matt and Cecil wont. If that is the way you want to live, that is your choice. If you want your world to revolve around him fine, I just think you should take a look from the outside, look at what you are losing in the long run... both of your children feel like you dont give a shit about them? Is that relatioship worth losing your sons? what about 10 years from now, you will be 60 and he will be 40...ever heard of a mid-life crisis? If you are not right by your children...I mean what else is there? Who do you think is going to take care of you when your old??? Seriously? I don't know what else to write. MAybe this sounds like a bunch of crap. I can't seem to word it right or say exactly what I feel. Im sure you don't even care how I feel.

ANYWAYS...people help me out...am I wrong? What do you think? HELP PLEASE!!!

Ashley