PLEASE HELP...I REALLY NEED YOUR OPINION!!! PLEASE...

Okay everyone...I really need some opinions on this one.

Let's see here, how do I put this?
I live with Colleen ( the mother-in-law, if you will) she is the one who asked us to move out here. We had our own apartment in Cali and even though I didn't really want to move to Las Vegas I did. She told us we could stay here as long as we wanted (rent free). When Matt was still here, he worked, She worked and I stayed home with Matthew and cleaned house. Well, when Matt went to jail, She decided to move her boyfriend back in, and along with him came his 10 year old son. The 3 of them are complete pigs. They do not clean up after themselves what so ever! I am kind of a neat freak. My room is always clean, and I clean up after myself and Matthew. If I use a dish I wash it...I pick up his toys - everything. SO anyways, the house always seems to be a complete mess (except my room) Colleen and her boyfriend think that I should clean the whole house, even though none of it is my mess. because I don't technically have a job (even though I take care of my son 24-7 with absolutly no help) I buy my own food, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, tampons, etc. They don't buy ANYTHING for me or MATTHEW. They don't give me any money or anything like that. It is not costing her anything by us being here. So why should I clean up after them? I wouldn't mind cleaning everday if they paid me at least a little something. ( can't get a job right now, becuase they don't want to watch my son...they sometimes say they would, but I would never leave him alone with them...beacuse They treat him so terrible when I'm around, what would they do if I wasn't?) They treat us like dirt, and act like we don't deserve to get new stuff...She bitches that my son doesn't need an 7 dollar spiderman toy, because It's almost Christmas...LOL, but, today the 10 year old get a new 150 dollar skate board...are you seroius??? I feel like pulling out my hair! What should I do? Should I say something to her or what???

Oh, and she never told me herself that she feels I should clean up...They are just really rude if I don't and the 10 year old told that they were talking about it!

And do you think this is rude...They go out to eat...the 3 of them, bring back, empty milkshakes etc. The baby sees it and of course wants some, but doesn't bring him anything! OR, sometimes she makes dinner, and doesnt make enough for me...or if there is enough, she sometimes puts it away for her lunch the next day. Everytime I cook I make enough for everyone...I can't even imagine leaving someone out.

OH, and p.s. when we first came out here I worked for a few months while Matt, stayed with matthew, and she seemed to have a problem, maybe beacuse I had money and she wanted me to be broke and miserable like I am now.

Am I like crazy, or selfish in thinking I deserve something? PLEASE HELP!!!

This blog is about a dream I had, a little after my grandma died. I was 14 at the time, and I remember it like it was yesterday. Word for word! My grandma was very religous, the most religous person I've ever known. When she died It was Extremely tough for me! I hope that this will help give hope to anyone, who has lost someone they care about...

Okay, I was walking through this house, there was water running through the house like a shallow river, I heard a phone ringing, so I followed the noise. I found the phone, I said, "hello" the voice on the other end said, "hello Ashley, it's grandma." "grandma?" "yes Ashley, it's grandma, I just wanted to call you because I know you've been having a really hard time with me dying...I just wanted to let know I'm okay where I'm at. Then I said, "grandma, is there really a heaven?" She said, "Yes Ashley (small pause) there really is...

Okay, it sounds a lot better if you were able to hear it in person...I get goose bumps everytime I tell it to someone. and yes, I know it was in a dream, but I don't care what anyone says...IT WAS MY FREAKIN GRANDMA!!!!! I honestly believe that my grandma came to me from beyond the grave. and let me tell you...if I could ask someone who died one question, it would me...is there really a heaven? hope you guys don't think I'm crazy or anything now...

Ashley

I would like to take a few minutes to write a little bit about my cousin Jessica and what happened to her. She was killed in car accident. I feel that I need to kinda tell her story so that she is not forgotten, especially in my own memories!

Well, let's see here. Jessica Renee Ellison was born on November 2nd 1985. We weren't that close as children, We didn't really start hanging out that much until she was 13, I was 15. I had moved closer to her and her family. We got together, and we just really clicked this time. We became inseparable. We did everything together. Well, a year later her mom, Brenda decided to move to Las Vegas. Jessica did not want to go. Her mom made her go. She was there for about 2 weeks, when she hopped on a bus headed back to Cali. My dad said Jessica could live with us, so she did. My dad loved her like one of his own. Everything in our lives was going so well. We were doing great in school, had tons of friends, life was good.

Next comes my 18th birthday. First one of our other cousins who I hadn't seen in years shows up, with a friend. My friend decided to throw me a party at her house. Well, to make a long story short, party gets out of control, people start fighting, parents kick everyone out. Fights start out in the middle of the street. I heard guns shots...everyone starts running to cars, then more shots. Well, come to find out one of our good friends was shot 3 times. once in the wrist, once in the shoulder, and once in the face! He lived (thank God) but did lose one of his eyes. Well, with all the drama going on, the next day Jessica decided to drive with our cousin (the who just showed up) to Las Vegas to her moms house. She never made it! The next morning my phone was ringing bright and early. I looked at the caller ID, saw a her moms number and almost didn't answer cause I was so tired. I picked up only to hear, "Jessica's dead!" I just couldn't believe it. I ran down stairs screaming. I found my dad and tried to tell him what happened. He started crying, he kicked the garage door, and we just both cried. I remember it so clearly. It was awful.

Jessica was such a great girl, with so many great possibilities. I will never understand why her life was cut so short. It's weird though, she use to always say..."I never thought I'd live to be 16", and she didn't. She died one month before she would have turned 16.

I guess that wasn't really her story, but it is what happened.

Some people are making a book about roadside memorials, and she is going to be in it. It's going be the stories about all the people who have lost their lives on our unsafe roads. The book is called crosses across our nation. They are still looking for more stories. maybe you know someone who should be remembered in this book. they have a website...crossesacrossournation.com

rest in peace little sister...I love you...and miss you! I know I will see you again someday...


Ashley

JESSICA RENEE ELLISON -- NOVEMBER 2nd 1985 TO SEPTEMBER 28th 2001

Hey, does anyone know what the stars next to the blog titles mean?

So yeah, life changes...and yeah here I am. Im still Ashley. I need to think a little before I write anymore...be back soon.
Okay, im back.
If you've been keeping up then you know that my mother passed away a little over two years ago. When my mom died, it left a large whole in my heart. I have so many regrets. Her death was very unexpected. Yes, I knew she was an alcoholic, but I guess I just had no idea, that it was as bad as it was. I was only 19 at the time. Towards the end of my mothers life...it really wasn't much of a life at all. She didn't work and she didn't have many friends, she gave up on keeping up her appearance, she gave up on everything, she gave up on life!!!. I feel so bad. I would sometimes be mean to her. I wouldn't want to give her rides to the store, (to get beer) and she would cry like a little kid. Then I would kinda yell at her cause she would practically beg me. She'd tell me I could drop her of at the corner. (I'd be leaving to go home) She would ask me for a dollar, or for change, and I hated it, I was so mean, and it kills me to think about how I treated her. We did still have good times though...those are just things I regret...I might be making her sound worse than she was, and I don't want to do that.

My mom would always tell me that she was going to die. My sister and I would just say, "shut up mom, you're not going to die!" and then she'd always tell me, "your gonna miss me when I'm gone." Those words of my mother haunt me to this day.

I regret being so mean to her. I just wish there was something I could have done. Why didn't I ever try to get her help. Why didn't I try to make her stop drinking? Why? It just kills me. It makes me so mad that's she's gone. I still need her!!! Inside I still feel like a little 14 year old girl who needs her Mommy. I just can't be right.

I have to go...I can't breathe from the crying...

Ashley

Well, today I talked to my jail-bound boyfriend, yes jail not prison, well at least for a few days. He has to go back to court. So for now will be residing in the county jail. I was really happy to hear from him, just to know he is safe- that place is really scary! And Matthew got to talk to his Daddy, which was really sad.
HMM...what else? I talked to my dad today! I love my dad sooooo much and I miss him, he still lives in California, so we don't see him very much. Im really worried about my sister, he says she's off the hook! she is going to drink herself into an early grave! That scares me. tomorrow I have to go to the hospital to get some blood work done...I have been felling well for a while now, so they have to check everything out, you know cancer, heart disease all those things. It's scary to think about. My mom dies from drinking, dad uses drugs, sister does both, and me I don't do any...so am I the one who gets something terribly wrong with her? Is that how these things work? I sure hope not! I want to live a long time, so I can take of my son...I don't trust leaving such a major thing that is sooo important to me, up to anyone else! Well, anyways...wish me luck...I'll write some more later if I think of anything good!